Friday, October 26, 2012

Aspiring Advice: Dunbar's Number + Social Networking

 
Anyone ever heard of Dunbar's Number?

If not, you can learn more about it by clicking this blue thing - but to sum it up, it's a theory that was presented by Robin Dunbar, a British anthropologist (took many a course in that for my psych degree). So what's the theory? It's the average maximum limit of people that one person can maintain stable social relationships with, which averages to about 150 people. Some can maintain more. Others can't.

Some of you might be thinking, wait ... I have WAY more friends than that following my blog/facebook/twitter/etc. Yep. Me too, but it's not the number of friends/followers that's in question here - it's the maintaining of a relationship, more than an acquaintance. At the time this theory was presented, social media wasn't on the scene like it is now, so Mr. Dunbar was mostly talking about real-life interaction.

Does this number apply to social media, then? One guy didn't think so, but he ended up proving the theory was right. Is this to say that you or I don't care about our friends/followers? Of course not. It just means that our ability to keep an active friendship/relationship going is difficult and, depending on our follower count, impossible.

Why am I bringing this up? To be honest, I think social theories are interesting and I wanted to share this one, but mostly, thanks to an extremely busy week, I wasn't able to make my usual rounds to all my favorite blogs. Not because I didn't want to, but that's how it goes sometimes. So while I sit here, scrambling for something wise and advice-worthy to say, I was reminded of that theory and told myself, you know, it's okay. You're doing your best. You're not trying to alienate anyone. Blog when you can. Comment when you can.

And this is where I get into the meat of this post. Often I see (and I know I've done this before) writers take a leave of absence, apologize for not posting/commenting, or otherwise feel they have abandoned their base (and I'll tell you now, if you're thinking this, your heart's in the right place compared to those who only appreciate their base for buying their books). While it's normal to feel this way, rest assured, we understand. Don't be afraid. Don't feel guilty. We have lives to run and carbon footprints to make.We might forget each other for a while and then reacquaint like long lost buds. And if we think someone we admire isn't paying attention to us (and think it would be best to unfollow them), give them a nudge. In this business, we're best when connected. The more relationships we strive to maintain, the better.

There are always opportunities to reconnect with each other, like this amazing new blogfest happening next month, hosted by the master of social media/social relationship maintaining Alex J. Cavanaugh and our fellow writerly ninjas Andrew Leon and Matthew MacNish ...


There's going to be a lot of bloggerly love happening that day ...

This is not the rule, just my thoughts on the matter. Keep in mind that maintaining 150 relationships is an average and humans have proven time and again that capacity can always be expanded, but the moral of the story is to be the best person you can be, do your best, and never put anyone down for any reason. Karma's watch'n!

What do you think of this number of ol' Dunbar's? Does it apply to you? Can you disprove it? Or not? Want to join the blogfest?

I'm David, and remember, someone always has it worse than us ...

30 comments:

  1. Thanks for mentioning our blogfest!
    If I'm gone or know I won't be able to visit others, I usually skip my regular post that day. Otherwise, if I'm writing, I hope others understand I can't visit everyone as much as normal.

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  2. I think my number is a lot closer to 0. BTW, check out my blog today for two other sort-of blogfests in November!

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  3. Yikes, 150? That seems like a huge number, but then I'm terrible at keeping in touch with people... :-/

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  4. Someone DOES always have it worse than us. Ohhhh... if that isn't the truth. Great post, DPK. I found it fascinating! And I love the blogfest idea... I know there are definitely blogs I seek out to comment on because I adore the person and it's great to have writerly friendships. It's my sanity! :)

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  5. I need to remember this. I haven't been getting around to as many different blogs as I would like, but I am writing more, and I have to remember the great picture of the whole thing...

    Thanks!

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  6. I'd love to join the blogfest, but I'm probably not going to be able to, due to NaNo. November will b busy.

    It's funny, I was just thinking "Oh, I have to read today's post!", when I was on my way out the door. It is hard to maintain so many relationships, especially electronic ones, and it can be easy to forget that we're humans, and not computers, as everyone seems to like to think. But thank you for reminding me of that this morning. I needed it.

    Here's to writers sticking together! I definitely do feel bad when I can't post as often, or comment and read, but it's good to know that other bloggers understand the complexities of life, and of writing.

    Enjoy your weekend!

    Alexandra~

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  7. Wonderful post, David. And thanks for the heads up about the blogfest. I may join in.

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  8. I wish I could get around to more blogs but tis true, I have other life demands. Great post.

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  9. Alex Cavanaugh blows away that Dunbar theory. He maintains a relationship with a thousand people.

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  10. So true that we can only do our best and it's okay to take a break when we need to. I need to remember that. And I agree that we can only really connect with so many people. Sadly I focus on the social networking more than staying connected with people in person like my family and friends.

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  11. My favorite quote ever--"The opposite of unhealthy is unhealthy." If you never hug your kids, unhealthy--but if you follow them to school hovering over every step with arms outstretched--equally unhealthy.

    Balance, right? The virtual world and the physical one, work and play, exercise and food...it's all in the balance.

    Excellent post!

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  12. I've made some good relationships via social networking, it's just I don't want get into my personal life and only talk about blogging\writing with them.

    I keep my online friendships professional. And if I ever meet them in person, oh sure, I would just freak and talk about my personal life to them then.

    And I always meet them at online parties (eg. that upcoming blogfest on Nov. 16) and we end up having a blast without knowing it. BTW: I'll be there hanging out with ya guys!

    Great post! :)

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  13. Hmmm, I think I'm one of the ones capable of less than 150. I'm so not good at being social and understanding people.



    Lots of things to think about in your post.

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  14. 150 sounds like a lot! And yes, I do feel guilty when I'm not able to visit some of my bloggy friends and say hello.Glad to know it's okay.

    Nutschell
    www.thewritingnut.com

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  15. Like I said last night (in my delirious haze), I am afraid I have far less than 150 close/stable relationships. I sort of suck at staying in touch with people!

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  16. You post the best videos! "I'm starving. All we have are...leftovers" O_O

    I always feel bad when I neglect the blogosphere for a while, but everyone here is always so understanding. I'm excited about this blogfest!!

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  17. That was an awesome link to the Dunbar Facebook experiment :)

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  18. I loved that study (minored in psychology), and agree with it wholeheartedly. I know people with oodles of 'friends'/followers, and there's no way they can maintain a solid relationship...
    That being said, I still think that there is value in the acquaintances we have. Even the brief encounters we have with all those hundreds, if not thousands, of people can be meaningful and make us better for it.
    That's why we do what we do with what we've been given.

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  19. No, I had never heard of the theory before, but it does make sense to me. Relationships are an important part of our society, but it's not easy to keep up with so many wonderful people.

    I've learned not to apologize about absent any longer. It's hard to find time to comment on everything. Alex is a rockstar!

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  20. Wonderful post. Way too many of my posts have started with, "So, I've been gone for awhile, and I'm sorry, but let me explain..." Nice to be reminded that most of my stress is self-imposed.

    Will look into this blogfest!

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  21. I suppose that really depends upon how you define a relationship. I mean, I had a lot of "stable relationships" when I was in high school, but most of those people thought they were much closer to me than I thought I was to them. To put that another way, there were a lot of people that called me their "best friend" but only one person that I called that. When I think of relationships in that way, I would say I can only support about 20 or so at the best of times, but more people than that would probably consider that they have that kind of relationship with me, so that would make the number much higher. When I was in high school and college, that number would have been much higher than 150 if looked at from that angle but very small if anyone would have asked me to pick out the people -I- considered to fit that definition.

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  22. Oh! And thanks for plugging the blogfest! I got so caught up in what I was saying that I forgot that part.

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  23. I totally agree with this. There are so many bloggers I love and want to read every single post, but I can't do it all. It doesn't mean that I don't think they're awesome, I just can't keep up with it all. Heart this post, big time :)

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  24. Oh this is so true! Thanks for reminding us all we can only do so much. I think that as we are usually all in the same position time wise we can understand if we don't hear from one of our 'buddies' for a while. I think I'm going to cut back a bit next week on reading/commenting as I need to do some actual writing! Have a great weekend everyone.

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  25. Thanks, I'm one those who can't hadle 150 relatioships, I think it might be partly because my characters sometimes pop up in my head and want to chat about the way their plot is going... Not what I'd consider a relationship, but it takes up energy reserved for being social.

    University takes up most of my energy, specially test week and I end up not posting and then feeling bad. I need graduate and stressing isn't helping with either.

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  26. I've been bad about blogging lately so this post has taken some of the pressure off. Thanks :)

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  27. I was just thinking as I logged on today that I had been rather absent lately and needed to do some major blog hopping to catch up with everyone. I should have known your post would be so fabulously relevant to that. Great post and I totally believe it. I struggle with the relationships of those in the mommy group I run, the local writers group that I am president of, and the PTA at my son's school which I volunteer in all while owning and running a small business. It adds up to much more than 150 people who all want my attention. I do it to myself though. I have to get better at saying no, but that probably own't happen anytime soon.

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  28. I'm definitely an apologizer. I have to take breaks from blogging and always feel terrible about it. But you're right, I've never been annoyed when anyone else has had to do it.

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  29. Excellent post! I'm in the same boat you are...getting to blogs whenever I can in the midst of this crazy thing called life. ;) I echo your thoughts and Dunbar's number is really interesting. I'd guess that's probably pretty close to truth.

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  30. Hey,

    Look at me, I'm two days late getting to this post and have 92 comments saved that I sooo want to get to, but I. Need. More. Hours. :)

    Thanks for sharing. I, too, feel better :)

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