Friday, November 4, 2011

Random Sauce: My Driving Hurts People


In honor of my out-of-commission wheels (and because I don't want to leave for a week with a downer post), it's time to get this confession off my chest. It's been on my mind for some time, so I might as well share it now.

When I hop in my car, for pleasure or a quick errand, it never fails. No matter what happens. No matter the time. No matter where I go, someone gets hurt.

Am I driving recklessly? No. I stay in my allocated lane. I don't pretend my car is Pac-Man, eating the lines in the middle. I obey traffic laws. I stay within the speed limit (because we all do that, right?). So what gives?

Here's a scenario:

I'm driving down the street, about 25 MPH, singing to some Duran Duran, when I see a group of pedestrians walking down the sidewalk, ages 8 to 88 (this happens with groups of two or more, for some odd reason).

They're minding their own business. As am I. Then, one of them looks up, sees me, gets an excited look on their face, turns to the nearest person ...

... and does this ...

As the victim figures out what the freak happened, the assailant (and friends) shout this as I pass ...

I've heard this "Slug Bug" reference (or "Punch Buggy" phenomenon) started around the 1960s, way before my time, during the historic "Make Love, Not War" era, so why has this pastime prevailed well over 40 years?

How do you think I feel, knowing that I'm perpetuating violence when I'm just trying to drive home from work? The guilt (from laughing) might drive me to therapy!

And it doesn't matter where, when, or what!

In the rain ...

During athletic events ...
 And it's not just humans!

I doubt the good folks at Volkswagen (VW) engineered this fine piece of fuel efficient awesomeness as a means to spread worldwide bruises and "dead arms." So, on their behalf, mine, and everyone who thinks driving an insect is cool, I have just one thing to say ...

No. That's not my color.

What seemingly innocent activity do you do that causes undo harm to others? 

By the way, Michael Haynes has started a new flash fiction spot on his blog. You provide the prompt, he writes the story! It should be up soon. Check it out!

I'm David, and I endorse this "arm-saving" message.


  1. LOL! First of all, let me just say that I love it when you saw "random sauce." Oh man, I haven't use "sauce" like that forever - and I love it.
    Also - love bugs! I had a baby blue 69 volkswagon beetle for my first car and it was the coolest. A total piece, but it was awesome. I miss it. I often tell my husband I want a new bug in either red or yellow with a sun roof. Trouble is, I think he's too tall to fit in it. O-well

  2. I do anything like that? Not unless yelling at people when they're doing something wrong (while still with the windows up) counts.

    This post was more than randomsauce, it was awesomesauce.

    Yeah, I went there.

  3. Come on, you have to admit, punching a friend or sibling is pretty fun, and your parents couldn't get mad at you because you just saw a slug bug.

    Honestly, I haven't seen a slug bug in a really long time and I had almost forgotten about it.

    Ps I'm glad that your bug, isn't that color... I might be worried!

  4. Lol, awesome post! I totally didn't see it coming, but loved it all the more:)

  5. LOL! This is a post for the ages. I don't do slug bug, although I used to. Still laughing :)

  6. You sitting in your car listening to Duran Duran is the best mental picture! You are dancing too, I assume.

    I LOVE slug bug!!!

  7. I so haven't thought about slug-bug for years! Brings back some fun memories. There was a spot in my town that we called the bug cemetery--there were like 12 'dead' bugs there. Every time we went by, it was a challenge to see who saw it first!

  8. So many things about this post I liked. Made my day - way to leave the week :)

  9. i always wonder what the bug drivers think about the madness!
    my kids arent allowed to punch each other (in my presence) we just call them first, by color, RED ONE!

  10. *KAPOW*

    Slug bug!

    Wait, who did I just tag?

  11. LOL. I had to wonder what it would turn out to be at the start of your post!

  12. At first, I totally thought that you almost killed someone! Pshewww...just a slug bug controversy:0

  13. David, I love your random awesomeness. Oh the memories of the slug bug. I think I hit your arm too many times when we were kids, it really did a number on you, especially now that you have one!

    Hope the beetle gets over it's bug soon!

    Love ya, Wendy

  14. David,
    You continue to amaze me. Well done, my son.

  15. Wow, that was an awesome post! I did not see that coming. I loved that cat/dog punching picture. :)

  16. With your car being out of commission I was afraid this post was going to be about people in the hospital from a collision.
    This post was WAY funnier.
    I totally slug bug. But I'm thinkin' that you probably shouldn't slug people in the face.