Wednesday, September 3, 2014

IWSG: On Social Media and Impostor Syndrome


Need A Little Support?Thanks to Alex J. Cavanaugh, the Insecure Writer's Support Group gives bloggers a monthly chance to express their concerns, worries, and insecurities without fear of reprisal. It's a seriously big group now, and with well over 300 participants, it shows no signs of slowing down! I'd like to thank Alex for keeping this group going for so long, as it has proved wonderful in the supporting of fellow authors and the revealing of needed and sound advice.

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Hey guys! I'm back. August was a whirlwind month in the cosmos. Things may have been safer if I stayed on the bridge. But where is the adventure in that? So where have I been? I'll tell you about it.

I took a social media break over a month ago. Completely unplugged. Partially because I had a two week road trip across seven states. The other part is (and I hate saying this) I was going through a bout of social media burnout. Don't get me wrong, I love SM. I'd never have the same level of outreach or the platform I have today without it. And on top of that, all of the amazing writerly friends that I have.

So what's the problem?

A discussion on SM has become prevalent in recent months in how people conduct themselves. Namely on Facebook. I'm proud of the wide spectrum of friends there who post a variety of things. Then a topic sprung; those who post only positive things have something to hide; their real life isn't the sunshine they leave on their statuses.

I fall into this category of positive posting, but I will be the first to admit that life on my end of the spectrum is not all sunshine, lollipops and rainbows. My motivation for being positive is my wall is often full of memes, political bashery, complaints and clickbait. Why not shake things up with a glass half-full? Reach for the positive vibes? It made sense from my end of the screen, but was I ingenuous to others?

This question led to fear, which sadly spread to the point that I didn't know what to say on any of my SM platforms. I felt unqualified.

As a Behavioral Science guy, I knew this was irrational. So I took a break, enjoyed my vacation, and was later reminded of something called Impostor Syndrome. It's real, people! And thanks to a super secret writing support group, a healthy dish of Reality was served.

And guess what? I'm perfectly normal!

Except I should chat on Twitter more ...

It's weird how we fall into the trap of internalizing negativity to the point of crippling our motivation and self worth. No one is immune, nor should they be. Hiding problems solves nothing. Given all of our feelings and junk, we are complicated creatures. The best thing any of us can do is talk about them, even if it makes no sense at all.

I did, and the group gave me the best advice I've had in months:

"Keep doing what you're doing!" they told me. "Be consistent!"

And I will. 

What's your opinion on conducting yourself on social media? Have you ever experienced Impostor Syndrome? Who likes rainbows?

I'm David, and on September 8th, we remember Tina Downey.

http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/2014/08/sunflowers-for-tina-september-8-2014.html

41 comments:

  1. Welcome back! Although I see you at the Fellowship of the Dragon every week, so it doesn't feel like you left.
    I admit I try to stay positive and upbeat. I'm doing this for fun after all.

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  2. I don't feel I need to be positive ALL the time on social media. I think everyone who follows me knows how unhappy I was with the changes in education that drove me out of teaching.

    As for my publication journey, I try to be honest about the struggles I have getting through first drafts, worrying about whether ideas are marketable, insecurities, etc. I let people know that even after you get an agent and get published, you still get rejected -- without going into details about which manuscript and which editors rejected it. That would NOT be a good idea. I share lots of good stuff too, but I think most writers have down periods and it helps to see they're not the only ones.

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  3. Yes, you need to chat on Twitter more!!!!!

    DPK, I wish I could wash away all of your impostor feelings… it's definitely a real thing and I think it makes you cooler for being so open about it. But truth, is you would never fit into that category of people who are screaming how perfect their lives are, because you are YOU. Even if you only post the positive, we *know* you and your realness comes across. It's hard to explain… well, this post is the perfect example. We've experienced your ups and downs--the ones we've been lucky enough to be a part of, and living through the adventure with you has only made us love you more!

    But yes. I get this. I'm one of those people who get intimidated online--where other people sometimes have control over how I feel about myself. Where feelings of inadequacy and unworthy creep in SO easily. (I think it's why I love Twitter over Facebook, b/c the people who make me feel that way aren't on Twitter, LOL) Such great post!

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  4. Wow! I feel this insecurity real well. I took a break from blogging several times this year, and I rarely post on twitter or Facebook. I'm trying to be more active, but I over analyze things too much.

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  5. We are our own worst enemy sometimes. Good to have you back. And don't worry, I tend to forget Twitter, too.

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  6. I kind of shun social media and check facebook only once a week. I think there is too much noise in the world. Everyone is clamoring for attention, and it really kind of bothers me.

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  7. I've had depression, don't need any syndrome's. Glad you have gotten past I.S. and are back with us David. Social Media is essential but there is life outside your computer. When you forget that you have a problem.

    IWSG Co-Host

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  8. I try to be positive on SM, but don't have any delusions that what people post is the whole of what they are. IWSG is when I give myself permission to vent and reveal all my insecurities to the world. It does feel good to know everything isn't sunshine and rainbows...for anyone, within a community of like-minded individuals.

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  9. I feel the exact same way. Probably why I don't like SM all that much sometimes ... :) I like being positive - after all, the world has enough snark and gloom. However, I think most people know that our social feeds aren't an accurate portrayal of everything going on in someone's life.

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  10. I tend to post a lot of positive stuff because I like that kind of stuff. Quality of life is very much a matter of attitude. Please. Keep doing what you're doing.

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  11. I have been thinking on the Impostor Syndrome since you mentioned it. Yes, I have experienced that too. Funny thing is if one only talks about our problems then we're avoided for that same reason. But you are doing well, naturally. :)

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  12. I'm pulling back a little from the whole SM thing right now. Not much, but it does feel like a bit much at times. I'm not a FB guru, (which is putting it mildly) but I often have the feeling people put up a face. Kind of lends it itself to do that on there. Glad you over came it all!

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  13. What a coincidence. My blog for IWSG today was about social media too. I guess the theme is floating around digital waves.

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  14. I'm glad you're back! And I get the Imposter Syndrome thing. I've spent most of my adult life living it. I had a revelation in graduate school when a classmate (one of the ones I was convinced I knew WAY more than I did) confessed that when he didn't know something he talked more to cover up his own insecurity. I realized that we ALL struggle with this. Some of us are just better at hiding.

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  15. Wow, DPK. You're getting all kinds of deep in this post. I'm glad you're back, and feel refreshed. I have to do this myself all the time, otherwise called "inconsistent." haha...so insecure!!

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  16. Normal? There's a normal?

    Twitter is like yelling into a yawning pitch black cave and hoping someone yells back.

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  17. You can be real and be nice in every area of life. We all go through negatives, that doesn't mean we have to become negative, or unkind, or share everything with everyone.

    Welcome back, and i'm glad you had a nice break!

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  18. I don't know about Imposter syndrome, but I've been taking breaks so I can apply myself more to my W.I.P. It's really hard to keep up with everything. Glad you are back after your own break.

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  19. SM I am not a big fan of I have never been part of FB and I will probably never join. I do enjoy blogging it is a great creative outlet and I have met some fabulous supportive people who really do care about creating a community where poets can express their thoughts. I blog simply because I enjoy it. You need to enjoy what you are doing.

    Welcome Back..

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  20. Good to see you again! You were missed.

    I like social media. I try to be positive and/or funny (although I will rant about something if it's really important to me) because I don't want to be one of those unpleasant people we all unfollow.

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  21. Hello hello!

    Yes...ya know, I think one of the characteristics of social media is that we in a sense get to choose how we present ourselves, more so than in the more chaotic real world. And I think that's okay. There's a difference between focusing on certain things and deliberately misleading people. If a person wants to have a cheerful, optimistic online persona, that's part of who they are.

    Sarah Allen
    (From Sarah, With Joy)

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  22. I don't think anyone can show all their facets on social media. Just like there are people you might know at church or work that really only see parts of you too. I think their are very few people who know ALL of us. So really you're no more a fraud on social media than you are interacting with that person in the checkout line. Unless you deliberately try to mislead people for nefarious purposes. Which I don't think you do. But then how do I know?????

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  23. In a theatre class years ago, the teacher had us write down "the secret script" we carried. An overwhelming majority of the class wrote that they felt like frauds. I shared this recently with a group of educator friends and almost to the person they admitted that was their greatest fear as well. Dare I chalk this up to human nature? (Excepting of course those egotists that drive us all nuts.)

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  24. I agree with what you said concerning SM. I don't always write loveliness and light, but I do most of the time. I feel folks have a right to know me, the part of me I want to share. No one says I have to bare my soul for anyone but those I choose to bare it to. And I agree, again, to keep doing what you do! You are you and we like you the way you are. Keep up the great work!

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  25. I try to stay out of politics though that's difficult with the raging stupidity of our elected officials and I make sure I don't just promote my books. I also try to promote my friends' tweets and posts. Glad to have you back.

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  26. I try and stay as positive as possible on my blog, when things are not going so well I tend to stay away from SM. I don't do FB, it's never really interested me, I'm on Twitter but not in a huge 'look at me kinda way.' It's important to remember that everyone has stuff going on in their lives that isn't all peachy and maybe shouting about the good stuff helps them focus.

    Good to see you back in blogland, hope you enjoyed your vacation.

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  27. I try not to post on social media when things aren't going well, but I don't want to show a one-sided picture either - I try to share both sides of publishing, to help other writers who are going through the same process. But I also try to be authentic, too... it's a tough balance!

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  28. Sometimes we just need a break. Summers are super busy for me when all the kiddos are home, so I've learned to let it go during that time. I don't post on FB (personal or author page) nearly enough. I just get sick of reading everyone's rants or stupid posts about absolutely nothing. :) I enjoy Twitter way too much! I love the IWSG where you can really be you.

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  29. August is a great month to take a break because blogs are so quiet. I'm struggling to just get on Facebook much these days. Being a single mom--even though I was almost one before my husband died--is busy and I just have less time for social media. But my goal is to get back on there because I think it's a great way to connect more personally with more people.

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  30. Hi David - that makes sense to disappear for a while - especially when you were travelling .. and also to regroup and rethink life .. glad everyone brought you back to normality .. it's so easy to be knocked slightly of course and then once back - we think why oh why did we feel the need to get off our path ..

    Social Media has its moments .. but needs to be treated with respect for oneself .. overdosing is no good .. welcome back - cheers Hilary

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  31. Welcome back! We all need a break from social media at times. It is hard to know what to post as I, too, try to post positive stuff. After all, the other stuff is BORING. Who wants to hear about how my life consists of going to work, going home, repeat? LOL! And I think I'd rather have people have positive things to post than the ones who seem to only post negative stuff.

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  32. I LOVE RAINBOWS! I post them all the time on FB. :-P

    I tend to skim through the always-positive posts. You know... "here we are happy in the park" and "here we are happy at the beach" and "here I am happy with my new shoes"...I can only take so much sugar! And I can't take the always-negative stuff either, like child abuse in Guatemala, wife-beating in Serbia, child pornography in China, mutilations in Nigeria.... I get it. The world is evil, but do you have to throw it in my face? Now move so I can go slice my wrists.

    I try to keep it neutral. Not too much personal info. Not too many political rantings that drive people up the wall. I like to put up light, funny, anecdotal, laugh-at-yourself types of post. Like how my husband crashed my car while driving in reverse after I warned him to be careful because he has previously crashed my car while in reverse. Just as he rolled his eyes, he backed into a light pole. It was bad, funny, yes...I was in tears about it afterwards... but bad nonetheless. (Still makes me giggle.)

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  33. Well, it's a difficult balance. No one wants to be moaning all the time, but it is good to talk about the full spectrum of our emotions. That's why it's good to have the IWSG, where we have a good excuse to talk about the less rainbowy stuff, once a month at least!

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  34. Hmm, I guess I've never taken the time to analyze what I post on social media, but for the most part, I do try to be positive or at least light-hearted if I'm sharing something bad/crazy that happened. I don't like to read ranters, or those who go off on political kicks, but I don't see anything wrong with being positive. If it's who you are, it's who you are. And of course, none of us have perfect lives, but we're all trying to do the best we can. And sometimes a positive attitude is the best way to accomplish that. So keep doing what you're doing!

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  35. I try to be positive on Facebook but sometimes I just can't be. However, I always try to play nice. :)

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  36. Welcome back David. Yes, I too am not happy with the negative postings in SM. I have changed the way I post on FB, don't know if you've noticed. ;)

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  37. I'm always conflicted. My marketing background dictates that I maintain a consistent, professionally optimistic brand, but the 'real' Carrie is sarcastic and blunt. Thankfully, I think I've found more of a balance this year!

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  38. I experience social media burnout sometimes, too, when my depression gets the best of me. It makes me want to hide so I don't let my sadness bleed over everything 24/7...

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  39. It was great being able to meet you while you and your family were crisscrossing the US of A.

    I like to talk about the mundane and quirky aspects of my life. Once in awhile, I do share some of the negative stuff on there in the hopes people can send me prayers or good vibes.

    I need to read more about Imposter Syndrome!

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  40. Okay, I think I know several people with Imposter Syndrome!

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  41. I try not to get too drawn into social media. But you raise some really valid points.

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