May I have your attention? Thanks! I wanted to make sure our guests in the back of this "well-lit" room can hear this announcement.
Some of you know her as a B-Word (no, the other B-Word...), and it's no secret that she has a blogger crush on your's truly (yes, I'm blushing), but I know her as a dependable friend and an expert in all things Las Vegas. Lending your ear to her advice is a safe bet. And no one will kill you when she's near, as her sleuthing skills are unmatched (sorry, Sherlock). Now, if you will raise your glasses, let us toast Jessie "B-Word" Humphries as we dub her a Knight of the Cosmic Table!
JH: Thank you, Lord DPK (is that how Knights talk? ;). It's true, I've long since been crushething on thee (okay, no more of my Game of Thrones dialect which is all wrong for so many reasons). You've always been a great friend and I am deeply grateful to be given this honor.
*raises glass and pounds it like a dude*
DPK: Hmm. No one's called me "Lord" before ... I've been given so many titles already. I'd better check with the scribes in the Chamber of Records to see if I'm allowed to have another one ...
You're quite welcome! It's truly an honor to have you join us. After a few questions, we'll make it all official. First I'd like to ask—
*the lights go out*
Uh ... did we forget to pay the torchlight bill?
JH: *takes cover under the Cosmic Table and grips the first manly arm that I can find*
DPK: This is awkward. Is this a bad time to ask a little about you and your debut novel that's coming out in a few months?
JH: Unlike Ruby Rose (the kick-A main character in my book), I am no weapons' specialist or hand-to-hand combat expert. I am an attorney and prefer fighting with words. I am also a big fat chicken when it comes to real-life scary things (Mr. Humphries knows its grounds for divorce to walk into a room without making tons of noise so as not to scare me).
*the lights come back and the arm I thought would save me is limp and lifeless*
DPK: What's the meaning of this?
*examines the server with a knife in his back*
Well ... This complicates things. We've never had a murder happen during a knighting before. Lock the doors! No one leaves this room until we figure out who axed the bread basket chap.
*eyes everyone, including the Cosmic Knights*
Maybe your detective skills will come in handy here, Jessie. What inspired you to write Ruby Rose?
JH: All those years of Law & Order binge-watch-training (and law school) have helped hone my mystery solving skills. Was that a dagger you just hid behind your back, Lord DPK?
DPK: Oh, this? Tis' but a butter knife ... for buttering bread ...
*tugs spacesuit collar*
JH: I'm not big on people getting away with murder! That's one of the reasons I wrote KILLING RUBY ROSE. I have long since been drawn to stories that highlight good people going after bad guys (or gals). I especially love the stories when the moral issues of doing the wrong thing for the right reasons gets involved.
DPK: I've noticed that the "doing the bad to do good" has been a popular angle in storytelling lately. Even whole TV shows are based around this premise. That's one more reason to be excited about your release. Who do you suspect is the killer behind this caper?
JH: Now that you mention it, I thought I saw Walter White from Breaking Bad walking around here, though it was hard to tell through his "space suit." Is there some kind of overground cosmic meth lab going on here?
DPK: I'll see to it that Walter isn't "mething" around with us. I mean, his show ends and now he has to come here? I'm glad you didn't accuse Sir Diaz (he doesn't kill so much as he eats) or Evil Queen Argyle (... well, we won't go there - she'll do something evil).
*drapes a cloth over the poor breadbasket boy*
When is your book coming out?
JH: KILLING RUBY ROSE debuts on May 1, 2014. I am planning a huge launch party in my hometown of Las Vegas, a few visits up your way in the Provo & Salt Lake areas, and a regional tour with my pub sisters at Amazon Children's Publishing/Skyscape.
2014 is going to be the best year eva!
DPK: Fantastic news about the tour (and release date - calendar marked!)! I was thinking of going to Vegas for your launch, but if you're coming MY way ... well, we'll see. I understand you have a plan to convince "The Killers" to play at your launch party. While you're collecting forensic evidence, tell us the 411 on that?
JH: Yes, since I love writing about killing ... naturally, The Killers. ;)
Actually, I've long-since adored the band and actually went to high school with lead singer Brandon Flowers and guitarist Mark Stoermer. And since I have a habit of setting crazy-stupid goals, I thought why not ask the band to appear at my book launch?
DPK: That's totally awesome. I'm not aware of any famous bands that sprang from my class. Anyway, please tell us more!
JH: Turns out the getting the whole band for the gig is not going to be a possibility for my May launch date, but there's a chance that Brandon Flowers will be available and a few other amazing Las Vegas based bands. Still crossing all my crossables on that one (including the twin daggers I have hiding in my bra strap).
DPK: Hold on a second, Jessie. If you have a pair of "twin" daggers, how come you have only one? ... Not that I looked in any way, shape, or form at said area where said daggers are located ...
JH: *reaches under shirt to check the dagger situation*
Who could have taken it off me without me knowing? Come to think of it ... Lady Peggy Eddleman's request to switch shirts because silver isn't my color seems awfully strange now ...
DPK: Peggy Eddleman ... Now where have I heard that name before? That's right, you two are good friends! She's not one of our knights (as of yet) so she's not in this room ... or is she? She is pretty mean to the kids in her books so I wouldn't put it past her ...
JH: I seriously doubt it was Peggy. Her M.O. is more like poisoning people with toxic chocolate chip cookies, not stabbing them!
DPK: We may have to compare it with the murder weapon, just to be sure. While you discreetly hand it over, tell me when you started to blog, how important is a blog to you as a writer/in general, and what super-ales are you drinking to manage six blog posts in a week?
JH: Um, blogging. Yeah, blogging is super important in my mind. Not only has it helped me build a community of like-minded writing friends and taught me invaluable publishing knowledge, it has also helped me hone my writing skills. They say, "write everyday." Well, blogging is writing too! It takes the same skill set most of the time.
DPK: Indeed it does. Wait ... where did the body go?
*looks at all the knights*
While I look for it, would you text Peggy to make sure she didn't kill the kid? Also, tell us, now that you are a knight of the cosmic table, what does being a knight mean to you as a writer and a person?
JH: Aye-aye, milord!
As for the honor that you have seen fit to bestow upon me as the newest Knight, I'm feeling a little cocky actually. Like the sky is the limit. Or more like the sky is only the beginning of my cosmic adventure. Together, we are going to rule the world, Lord DPK!
DPK: *hopes Mr. Humphries didn't hear that*
Ruling the world has it's drawbacks, but I can't imagine any drawbacks *thinks of the dead body* with you around. I seriously feel like someone is messing with us.
*a dummy falls from the chandelier--Sir Mark Koopmans laughs*
Why you clever knight, Sir Mark!
Looks like he pulled a royal prank on us. Good one, Mark. Don't try and blame the Leprechauns. You gave them the year off.
JH: Glad we solved that murder. I was worried for a second!
DPK: Me too, Jessie. Me too. You're about to make great strides in the publishing world, Lady Jessie, and I'm excited to see what the world has in store for you. But for now, I have in store for you this badge, still warm from the smithies, that you may use however you see fit to prove yourself a member of the Cosmic Knights. Congratulations, and thank you for letting us host a murder mystery party in your honor.
JH: Thanks again for the visit. And the shiny badge! I'm one lucky cosmic chick ... er, Knight!
DPK: Oh, one last thing. When do we get to see the cover for your book?
JH: I can't reveal the cover yet, but it's coming soon. Very soon. It may drop from the chandeliers when you're not expecting it. ;)
* * *
Be sure to visit Jessie's blog. You won't regret it. Watch out, because another knight will make their mark on this blog next month. I'm already excited to get another interview on! See you in March.
Has anyone ever done one of those murder mystery dinner things? I'm seriously thinking about one. Any tips in hosting one?
I'm David, and in case you don't know "The Killers," here you go!