Wednesday, December 14, 2011

'Wrap It Up' Blogfest Entry: The Cheese

Once every year, above all other seasons
Lots of people celebrate ... for varying reasons.
But no matter the reason, we all try to please
Special friends and guests with holiday cheese.

And so, for this reason, I wrote you a song,
Parodying a tradition, put off for too long.
But before we begin, I have only one plea
It's for fun, Mr. Groban; please don't sue me.

Press play before you start to read.

If you're brave enough to sing it, I'll provide cookies!

*     *     *

The Cheese (A Believe parody)

Cheddar, Colby, lots of Mozzarella
‘Tis the season to taste something different
Come and party at my dairy store
Try the Brie here; sample my Camembert
When there is nothing left on the tray
I’ll go and get some more, right away!

Believe in what your mouth is craving
Our Ricotta will have you raving
There’s no need to waste
That empty spot on your plate
Your crackers there look mighty dry
And Limburger will make you cry
We have everything you need
Since we've got the cheese!

Trucks come rolling with imported crates
Every morsel is richer than Bill Gates
Blue cheese, Swiss cheese, and some Provolone
Don’t be stingy on that crumb of Havarti
We're out of Gamalost from Norway
They’ll ship us plenty more by Christmas Day

You haven’t even tried the Muenster
What are you, some kind of monster?
An acquired taste
Is needed to stuff your face
Don’t shed a tear, prepare to dine
And have some Gouda with your wine!
We have everything you need
Since we've got the cheese!

Yes, we've got the cheese!
Lots of moldy cheese!
Will you pass the cheese?
Man, who cut the cheese?
Nasty cheese!
Ranky cheese!

(Fadeout Monologue)

Ugh. No. Really. It’s that bad! Eggnog will probably kill you at this point. Go on home before you asphyxiate my customers. Sorry, pal. No refunds. Happy Holidays!

*     *     *

I'm David, and this is my cheesiest post ever! 

Take one - but only if you sang along!

Write a piece of flash fiction, poem, or song (300 words or less) for someone you know (real or imaginary). It may be in any genre, but it must have a holiday theme (real or fictional). Post it on your blog anytime between now and when the linky closes. You will then give it to that someone, sometime before the new year.

For full details and prizes, click here!


  1. Because my menthol-cool vocal stylings are somewhat subpar, I chose to sing the song in my head, but I promise it was awesome. Great blogfest!!

  2. OH.MY.GOSH!

    David- how do you do it! So glad I wasn't drinking eggnog. Totally would have been coming out of my nose! You are amazing!

  3. Haha. I totally sang along.

    And Mr. Groban is my future husband. He says that this is totally an acceptable way to use this song. :)

  4. Wow, a post entitled cheese that was actually about real cheese - awesome :-)

  5. What is it about cheese during the holiday?! I know exactly what you mean! In our house the cheese comes out along with the pepperoni and sausages... soft cheese, hard cheese, square cheese and pie shaped cheese! And don't forget cheese cake!

  6. That was awesome David! I am still cracking up!

  7. whats a holiday function without a good cheeseball and crackers!
    and appetizers are nice too =)

  8. Hahaha! You really did talk about cheese. Good job, David. And thanks for the laugh!

  9. I totally just sand along! That was genius and soooo funny! :)

  10. I think you are safe from Josh Groban suing you.
    Can't sing along - my cubicle mates will think I'm nuts.

  11. Funny! I think you are safe from Josh Groban suing you.
    Can't sing along - my cubicle mates will think I'm nuts.

  12. Oh my word! What a masterpiece! SO worth the intense anticipation last night and until I could read it this morning!

    I sang the brilliant lyrics in my head - my husband's home and I certainly wouldn't want him to catch me singing YOUR song - you know taking away the limelight from your debut. Which brings me to my next fantastic point — YOU should sing your song and post it for our immense enjoyment! It'll go viral!

  13. I actually sang this outloud to your lyrics, but only got about halfway through. Couldn't do it anymore, as I actually snorted from laughing.

    Oh, and it looks like you're offering a platter of your Schweddy Balls too.

  14. I am speechless (but my fingers can still type).

  15. I pretty much sucketh at no, I didn't sing along. Btw, I wrote a weird post about you today that is probably worth checking out. I used the word "pimp."

  16. Aloha Dave,

    I'm with Brenda... a post of you singing this soon-to-be Classic Christmas Cheese song... OMG, that would be hilarious... as *this* was!

    Absolutely genius! (Someone call Wisconsin, they have a new official State Song :)

  17. I confess that I didn't sing along with it (kids are sleeping in the next room) but I can guarantee that I'll be singing it all day in my head. Love it! :) I think France has stated that there are at least 219 official cheeses - endless possibilities for you!

  18. Ha ha ha! Josh Groban would be impressed! Thanks for the laugh! ;)

  19. I can't get the video to play. Oh well. I sang it with my own tune. Nice job!

  20. I didn't sing along, but I stole a cookie anyway. Too yummy to resist.

    I think the music went along perfectly :)

    This is a cool idea David. I'm busy finishing up a story I need to get submitted in the next couple days (shhh, I'm not really here but I heard there was cheese - and cookies) so I won't be able to participate. But I may be back in a few days to read the other's posts.

    Loads of fun.


  21. Haha this made me laugh. I wish I could write poetry, but I'm really bad at it.

    Also, I wasn't even away that supercalafragilisticexpialidocious (totally kid-spelled it again) is a real word. Good to know :).

  22. Beautiful, wonderful rewrite! haha. I didn't sing it, but then I'm at work so that might be a bit weird for my colleagues. Maybe I'll give it a shot when I get home! ;)

  23. David, you owe my sister Michelle and I cookies, we just sang the whole song, but we barely made it because we were laughing so hard.

    Just kidding. But we really did sing it. And now we're listening to Josh Groban's version. Happy stinky cheese holiday!

  24. This gets two thumbs up simply because of the song choice(although the lyrics were excellent and hilarious!), because Josh Groban is MY future husband...ahem...::side eye to Kelley up there:: ;) Lol great job!

  25. Cheeeeeeeesssssssseeeeeeee!

    Such a funny song, though I didn't sing it because I don't want my family thinking I'm any more weird than I actually am. Shh, don't tell them I was dying to.

  26. Brilliant! I love rewritten lyrics to great songs...and I love cheese! I sang along to, but I have to say, the cookies were kind of tasteless. Great post :)

  27. Oh I love cheese, but didn't dare sing along, so I stayed away from the cookies, which reminded me of a rabbit. Long day or was it a short night?

  28. Am i the only one who noticed that ramdon ruminations is not talking about cheese or hols or flash fiction but about software coding? ;-)