Monday, October 17, 2011

Writer's Platform-Building Campaign - Challenge Three - Ghost by the Seashore



Ghost by the Seashore

Annoyed with his bike and disinterested with wiping the sand from its gears, Calvan set out to walk along the lapping water's edge.

His bare feet touched the thinning waves. Warm—like everything else. The rising glow on the horizon caught his eye, as alien a sight as ever. At least they were close to salt water. He could taste it in the air, hear it in the wind, and smell it in the dissolving foam. Once they siphoned enough, they’d be off again. Not that it would change anything.

“Calvan?”

He heard Alice’s voice. And when he turned, he saw Alice coming to a stop after a hard run. He glanced at her perfect figure and looked back at the rising star. “Surprised to see you here.”

“I noticed you left,” she said, her voice calm in spite of her sprint. “You shouldn’t go off on your own like this.”

“I doubt the others would wake up and join me.”

“I would’ve. But that’s not the problem, is it?”

“My problem is going on.” Calvan turned, admiring the short cut of her red hair. “I look at that coming sun and never want to leave. You should ditch me here.”

“Is this about Wastopaneer … sorry, Wasto’s ear? It was an accident.”

“Don’t be sympathetic.”

“I’ll be synbatec if I want!”

“And don’t step in that.” Calvan pointed behind him. “It reeks, whatever it is.”

“Looks like mammal tacise … ugh!”

Calvan saw her twitch. “You’re glitching again.”

She nodded and walked to his side. “Will you carry me back?”

Calvan considered it and smirked with a sigh. “Sure.”

In a matter of seconds, Alice reduced to a beam of light, retracted into a hovering crystalline-laced cylinder, and floated into Calvan’s hand.

“If you were alive,” he said, “I’d never leave.”
   

*   *   *

And that's all, folks! The Third and Final Challenge for Rachael Harrie's Platform-Building Campaign is here. A little sci-fi love from one of my shelved space operas, at exactly 300 words with all the criteria met!

Write a blog post in 300 words or less, excluding the title. The post can be in any format, whether flash fiction, non-fiction, humorous blog musings, poem, etc. The blog post should show:
  • that it’s morning, 
  • that a man or a woman (or both) is at the beach
  • that the MC is bored
  • that something stinks behind where he/she is sitting
  • that something surprising happens.
Just for fun, see if you can involve all five senses AND include these random words: "synbatec," "wastopaneer," and "tacise."   (NB. these words are completely made up and are not intended to have any meaning other than the one you give them).

Now I'm off to have a look at yours!

Thanks for stopping by! Be sure to check out my awesome FOUR BOOK GIVEAWAY. You have until the 23rd to enter, if you're feeling lucky.

I'm David, and it's been a while, sci-fi.


 

87 comments:

  1. It seemed so normal until the end there. I love the sci-fi twist. You even used the weird words. Well done! :)

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  2. Yay David! Great use of dialogue and the 5 senses :-)

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  3. Oh, I really liked that one!
    And hey, you are part of the Renaissance-challenge, too! I'll have to look at your story for that one then :)

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  4. Ooh I love it! I want to know more! Great job! Your entries are always awesome :)

    (I'm entry #5)

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  5. Right up until the end, I thought she was real. I enjoyed it!

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  6. So cool! I might give this a try ;)

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  7. Oh, nice, David! I always love your entries. :)

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  8. I really enjoy your writing, David. Love the sci-fi angle!

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  9. That is fantastic! I love the twist! I just posted my own #14 :)

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  10. You were fast! Nicely done, as always! :)

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  11. Awesome sci-fi twist. Exciting! Thanks for sharing.

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  12. I found it a little bit confusing in places, but I absolutely loved the twist at the end! It's kinda similar to a theme I want to explore in my novel - falling in love with someone who is already dead through memories and what not.

    Quite a dilemma! Anyway, nice job :)

    I'm entry #8.

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  13. I am always amazed when bloggers can bust out short stories like this. Sure I can write 75,000 words over several months, but write 300 words on the spot for the world to see...not so much. You rock!

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  14. Great entry! I love that she vanished into a cylinder.

    I'm #22

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  15. That was a little sad :( But, you did amazing to make me feel that in so few words. I love the premise with someone in love with a ghost. Well done!

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  16. I loved it! The twist in the end was so awesome!

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  17. Fantastic entry! I love how you made the words into glitches.
    Mind is #25.

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  18. crazy good and creative as usual!
    you had me w/your title!

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  19. I really enjoyed this. Loved the way you made the words be glitches in her programming. Very nice twist.

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  20. Aww what a sad last line. Good job David.

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  21. That was sweet, almost poetic. Very nice.

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  22. Love the twist at the end. A great approach with lightning speed.

    It's been a great campaign, hope to run into you in others!

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  23. Once again, Dave you don't leave me disappointed. This is awesome! Got my vote! :)

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  24. Ooh, intriguing! And also kinda creepy. Good work!

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  25. Wow, love this whole Sci-Fi, love that she shrinks to a beam of light! Very creative! ; )

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  26. Amazing as always. I loved the scifi twist, and the way you included the words was beyond clever.

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  27. That was amazing! And that twist certainly surprised me!

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  28. I like the sci-fi element David. Great job. I'll be posting mine later.

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  29. Cool scene! I like the way you worked in those weird words. And I like the character being a beam of light. I just finished posting mine if you want to have a look. It's #35.

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  30. Neat, I was wondering why she was missaying the words, but it was because she is a mechanical being of some sort... all scifi ish, great story!

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  31. Loved it! Did not expect the ending.

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  32. I really enjoyed that, the sci-fi twist is excellent and the ending totally unsuspecting! Loved it!

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  33. I like the sci-fi aspect of it, especially the glitch and ending. Nice twist to find out she wasn't human. Cool.

    Thanks for your comment on mine!

    The Write Soil

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  34. You know, you always write well, and I'm very jealous. It's a good jealous though. I like your story very much. Good job.

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  35. Nice twist at the end. I was thinking she had some kind of mechanical glitch and then you wrote 'glitching' which should be a word. In fact, I declare it's an official word from now on.
    Fun entry!

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  36. Really great and very nice ending. And perfectly 300 words so win!!!

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  37. Heheh every character ever named Alice always makes me think of cryptography. Was that intentional or not since this was a scifi bit?

    The ending made me all farklempt especially the last line btw.

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  38. Very cool how you put the words in along with Alice not being real. Made total sense by the end. Really liked this!

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  39. nice twist, nice use of those funky words. like it!

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  40. Loved how you incorporated the nonsense words into the sci-fi setting/lingo.
    You also created a great atmosphere in this piece... hint of poignancy as well...
    (I'm no.#470

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  41. You have the best entries! Loved this.

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  42. Wow. That was great! Wish there was more. ;)

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  43. I really enjoyed the ending and you did a good job with the words too. Mine is #56

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  44. Well done, getting all 5 senses in is often no easy task in short-fiction.

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  45. Wow! So sad but yet, so beautiful too! Well done!

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  46. As always, I love the Sci-Fi touch with your entries, David! Great use of senses and dialogue!

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  47. Loved the switch to sci-fi and the glitches, beautiful piece!

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  48. The 'glitching' as it happened got me wondering; hmmm what is she exactly? Nice use of exposition and with a lighthearted element to the piece that also suggests wanting something impossible, on both their parts. Thank you too for having found mine.

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  49. Awesome! I love the twist at the end of your story! Great job! :D

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  50. Love this! Gotta give some love to the sci-fi :)

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  51. This was so creative! I really loved it. The glitching idea was perfect. Really excellent :)

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  52. David,

    I've always been intrigued by the idea of love and adoration shared between non-human entities in science-fiction (I've always had the off-the-wall theory that Hal was actually in love with Dave). In this case, we see the human in love with a holographic form, and it's clear that Calvan has something for her. You hint at it but don't throw it in our face, which is fantastic writing on your part. I enjoyed the heck out of this piece!

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  53. David - I am not surprised that your entry would be this great! Loved it!

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  54. Loved it, David! It's hard to do eerie on a beach unless it's a dark, stormy night (lol) but you pull it off in such a great way.

    (PS Thank you for the comments on my story. I'm glad you enjoyed it! Pepper is actually a character in a future children's book...)

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  55. I don't know how you do it. Not only did you write a fantastic entry (loved the ending) but you got it up there in double quick time AND you still find time to visit and comment on nearly everyone's blog! You are an inspiration! Voting now :)

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  56. Nicely done, David! Clear setting and an interesting scene with your characters.

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  57. I love a great sci-fi entry. I'd love to read more of this. I voted.

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  58. Hi, fellow campaigner. This was a crazy challenge. It's interesting to see what people came up with. I didn't participate.

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  59. Aloha David,

    As a new blogger, I appreciate you spending a few moments to comment on my entry and thought I'd stop by and do the same....

    Then I saw your blog..... Dude.... I'm not worthy:)

    Well done, and wow, I'm so impressed on how professional it looks and IS. Gives me something to aspire to!

    Oh, and I enjoyed your entry, too (even though I'm not into Sci-Fi.)

    Mahalo, and write well, my friend!

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  60. This is one of my favorites. I love the ending!

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  61. Man, I really want to know more! Like what is Alice and if she's a ghost, what happened to her! Love your entry, David. I'm #65, returning your visit:)

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  62. Nicely done, i especially liked how you used the glitching to work in the words.

    mood
    Moody Writing
    @mooderino

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  63. Aw, I was so not expecting that sad ending *sniff*; I like the way the smell was just in passing, too. This story flowed so easily, David :)

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  64. I like this a lot! Very interesting. I'd love to know why he's leaving and what!

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  65. I really liked what you did with the made up words. Making them into Alien dialectic and abbreviating it, I assuming. Also, great surprise ending!

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  66. Wow, impressive work, David! Gets my vote! :D
    I'm glad you liked my entry, too. Thanks for commenting!

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  67. Love your scifi. And what a great entry!
    Thanks for your comment to mine. Appreciate your visit. Clar #91

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  68. Don't know how I could add anything to the many comments. I simply liked this and the twist at the end.

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  69. Oh, great twist at the end! It put a SF feel to the entire piece--and I want to know more about these characters.

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  70. Loved your story. I'm helping judge this round and advanced your story onto the next round of judging. Good luck.

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  71. "You're glitching again." Most. Romantic. Line. Ever. Seriously, that was great!

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  72. What an awesome twist! Good job David. I liked that a lot:) Off to vote.

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  73. I stumbled across Rachel's blog for the first time this morning, and from there came here. I'm glad I did. What a great example of how much feeling, thought, and world building you can create in just 300 words.

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  74. David, very cool. Thought she was alive. Caught me completely off guard! Great job.

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  75. Very clever, I like! (Wondering why I didn't think of a robot-glitch for those words...)

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  76. Oh, you really got me at the end! Very nice, love the sci-fi twist.

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  77. “Is this about Wastopaneer … sorry, Wasto’s ear?" Great line! Haha.

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  78. I loved your last paragraph. I really "saw" the action, and felt the endearing affection. Nice job.

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  79. What a dreamy ending. The fantasy seems so natural.

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  80. How, 83 comments! Do you need yet another comment? I wonder...I like the twist of her disappearing in a cylinder and the last night, it's clever but the dialogue between them doesn't make much sense to me but maybe that's just me...or maybe I missed something. Description is good at the beginning though.

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  81. Really enjoyed your entry and wanted to read on. Fab!

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  82. Hi David, congratulations on making it to the final 12! I've now judged the entries, and you've come Seventh! Great ending, I totally did not see that one coming. And you can never have too much sci-fi :D Well done you!!!

    Don't forget to pop by Rach Writes... to see what you've won!

    Hugs,

    Rach

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