I picked this one up while browsing through an old Merriam-Webster Vocabulary Builder that I have. I'm sure I've come across it before, but it will be an interesting and pertinent word that I'll use shortly. It just describes the current situation in my story well.
Ambivalence is a noun. It means to experience simultaneous and contradictory feelings towards something, someone, or someplace. What a neat way to describe a love/hate relationship! It can also mean to have an ongoing fluctuation or uncertainty in making a decision.
Change it to Ambivalent and it becomes an adjective
Ambivalently is the adverb.
Example: Kathy considered the pound of chocolate with an ambivalent stare.